Dublin Core
Title
1769.01.27 - 1769.05.27 — Elizabeth Porter Phelps to Penelope Williams, January 22, 1769 through May 27, 1769
Description
Elizabeth Porter Phelps sends four letters to Penelope Williams, spanning from January 1769 to late May. In the first letter, Elizabeth expresses her conflicting emotions about her faith and relationship to the church. She goes back and forth in sentences like “sometimes I dispair almost at other times I am comforted tho how dare I be so when I’ve reason to fear I’ve no interest in Christ.” In the second letter in the bundle, Elizabeth Porter Phelps writes roughly a month later (February 26, 1769), expressing many of the same concerns. She writes, “Surely once a month I can find time to write to my friend another Sacrament I’ve turned my back upon Christ + his church,” somewhat poking fun at the fact that she can’t seem to stop breaking the rules of the Church. The letter grows more personal and addresses some of Elizabeth and Penelope’s past interactions, for example, Elizabeth writes “O my dear why have you so much tenderness for me — did I see the tears in your eyes that Sunday when you entered the Room, me thot that you could not speak,” giving readers the first glimpse of there being something more than “friendship” between these two women. The third letter (March 19, 1769) delves further into the intimacy between Elizabeth and Penelope. Elizabeth expresses her joy and relief that Penelope has healed. Based on context from Elizabeth’s diary entries at the time, Penelope had fallen to an unknown illness and came close to dying, but then recovered just before Elizabeth wrote this letter. Elizabeth expresses some of her philosophies on the unavoidable nature of death and the necessity to be prepared not only for your death, but also the deaths of your loved ones. Elizabeth writes more about her love and affection for Penelope, describing “the tenderest effections sparkle” in Penelope’s eyes. She goes on to write “how unwelcome was company just then I long to expressed my satisfaction + joy for your recovery by tears at least — how cruel was it to forbear taking your hand,” further evidencing a romantic aspect to this relationship. The fourth letter in the series is delivered months later on May 27, 1769. She inquires about two dollars and a handkerchief from Penelope, but writes very briefly, in a tone that feels more brisk and reserved than all the previous letters.
Creator
Elizabeth Porter Phelps
Source
Porter-Phelps-Huntington Family Papers (Box 5, Folder 16)
University of Massachusetts Special Collections and University Archives
University of Massachusetts Special Collections and University Archives
Date
1769
Rights
Public domain
Type
Letter
Scripto
Transcription
Read This First
To
Miss Penelope Williams
January 22, 1769 Sunday Eve the bell now Rings
My dear friend,
If you forget to write I wont tho I fear I can’t write much now, for to tel the truth I’ve got some work to do yet: O my dear I stopt a moment to think what to write. and to say but where shall I begin? Let’s look of your last letter & last but one:
One year less to live you say, alas how stupid I am, I am surprised at myself O sin sin what [indecipherable] changes it makes in the soul, + the worst of it is it careses stupidity; O the greatest of the work we have to do in this world, s tho how dare I be so when I’ve reason to fear I’ve no interest in Christ but O my dear the mercy of God has it not been set before us this day how happy are those who are brought to be partakers of Christ’s Death & [indecipherable] to Give themselves to him to be his — Now my dear I come to the Spot here it seems to center: O that I were fit to join the church; how differently it appears to me to look forward to a Sacrament from what it does to you — how do them words strike, thou hast neither part nor set in this matter. What abundant cause have I for Humiliation that I can’t see it my Duty to come how should I be abased that I am debared from this precious privilege I have reason to go mourning all the Day long. How long shall vain thots lodge within me O that I were chased when shall it once be goodnight my dear I’m wanted
February 26 Sunday Eve
Surely once a month I can find time to write to my friend another Sacrament I’ve turned my back upon Christ + his church: O my dear why have you so much tenderness for me — did I see the tears in your eyes that Sunday when you entered the Room, me [thot?] that you could not speak. O my dear pray for me that I may be fitted to join with you — we were told this day that all that seek + ask a right shall find therefore surely I ask amis
O how ready the Devil & our own wicked hearts are to intimate to us that we shall never find mercy therefore there is no hope if we seek & indeed sometimes I am ready to fear they will get the better; but then perhaps I seem to have fresh incourgaement that God will be merciful to me — but O my dear tho my Comfort is so small yet I would not be without what little I have for all the world alas what could I do? No God to go to in times of trouble indeed I think if I know my own heart the greatest satisfaction that ever I have known has been in secret prayer & meditation what a Comfort [indecipherable] we can spread all our wants before one who can supply every one of them or over all for the best
March 19 Sunday Eve
O my friend surely I must write one word tho tis almost 10. [Indecipherable] to tell you + rejoice in your recovery so far: blessed be the Lord tis so well with you as it is; O may I never forget his goodness it seems to be a threatening as it were, may if Almighty power which has granted [indecipherable] grant a wife + right improvement of this Life pensation of Providence may it serve to teach us uncertainty of Life + the absolute necessity of being prepared for Death.
O my dear Rousing preaching we have had this day, but alas my heart is so hard I thot it never touched it I fear I am one of those which was this day described it moved me not. O Dreadfull Stupidity how awful + yet how careless I am growing worse + worse I fear. Remember me my dear with your earnest prayers how thankfull ought I to be that your life is spared that fear still [indecipherable] your prayers may our friendship grow stronger + stronger + we be more + more united our hearts be knit together by the strongest ties of friendship: this I’m unworthy of your love I know my dear I have it: from your own goodness not from my desert for were it to be determined by that I must soon dispair
Yes my dear you love me did I not see the tenderest effections sparkle in your eyes this day when I entered the room, O my friend I was not so [indecipherable] as to feel no emotion; [indecipherable] my dear love was in my heart if it was not in my eyes how unwelcome was company just then I long to expressed my satisfaction + joy for your recovery by tears at least — how cruel was it to forbear taking your hand but indeed I [indecipherable] not altho I really thot I had a right to do that: yet be afraid it was not from a want of tenderness or real sympathy that I forbore where am I got + indeed what time in the night is it — Good night my friend I must believe you love (tho I know not for what) yours
May 27 Satterday
My dear I send you by Mr. Porter two Dollars + beg you to get the Brown tafety handkerchief my mother + you talked of, if you can find such an one. Likewise a black [indecipherable] for mother pretty good + large too — [indecipherable] I shall want some but am afraid my money will be wanting if you can get + spare me some I shall be glad + settle with you when you get home half a quarter. Now if ever learn to spell tafety you know I am a superiour speller.
Adieu EP
To
Miss Penelope Williams
January 22, 1769 Sunday Eve the bell now Rings
My dear friend,
If you forget to write I wont tho I fear I can’t write much now, for to tel the truth I’ve got some work to do yet: O my dear I stopt a moment to think what to write. and to say but where shall I begin? Let’s look of your last letter & last but one:
One year less to live you say, alas how stupid I am, I am surprised at myself O sin sin what [indecipherable] changes it makes in the soul, + the worst of it is it careses stupidity; O the greatest of the work we have to do in this world, s tho how dare I be so when I’ve reason to fear I’ve no interest in Christ but O my dear the mercy of God has it not been set before us this day how happy are those who are brought to be partakers of Christ’s Death & [indecipherable] to Give themselves to him to be his — Now my dear I come to the Spot here it seems to center: O that I were fit to join the church; how differently it appears to me to look forward to a Sacrament from what it does to you — how do them words strike, thou hast neither part nor set in this matter. What abundant cause have I for Humiliation that I can’t see it my Duty to come how should I be abased that I am debared from this precious privilege I have reason to go mourning all the Day long. How long shall vain thots lodge within me O that I were chased when shall it once be goodnight my dear I’m wanted
February 26 Sunday Eve
Surely once a month I can find time to write to my friend another Sacrament I’ve turned my back upon Christ + his church: O my dear why have you so much tenderness for me — did I see the tears in your eyes that Sunday when you entered the Room, me [thot?] that you could not speak. O my dear pray for me that I may be fitted to join with you — we were told this day that all that seek + ask a right shall find therefore surely I ask amis
O how ready the Devil & our own wicked hearts are to intimate to us that we shall never find mercy therefore there is no hope if we seek & indeed sometimes I am ready to fear they will get the better; but then perhaps I seem to have fresh incourgaement that God will be merciful to me — but O my dear tho my Comfort is so small yet I would not be without what little I have for all the world alas what could I do? No God to go to in times of trouble indeed I think if I know my own heart the greatest satisfaction that ever I have known has been in secret prayer & meditation what a Comfort [indecipherable] we can spread all our wants before one who can supply every one of them or over all for the best
March 19 Sunday Eve
O my friend surely I must write one word tho tis almost 10. [Indecipherable] to tell you + rejoice in your recovery so far: blessed be the Lord tis so well with you as it is; O may I never forget his goodness it seems to be a threatening as it were, may if Almighty power which has granted [indecipherable] grant a wife + right improvement of this Life pensation of Providence may it serve to teach us uncertainty of Life + the absolute necessity of being prepared for Death.
O my dear Rousing preaching we have had this day, but alas my heart is so hard I thot it never touched it I fear I am one of those which was this day described it moved me not. O Dreadfull Stupidity how awful + yet how careless I am growing worse + worse I fear. Remember me my dear with your earnest prayers how thankfull ought I to be that your life is spared that fear still [indecipherable] your prayers may our friendship grow stronger + stronger + we be more + more united our hearts be knit together by the strongest ties of friendship: this I’m unworthy of your love I know my dear I have it: from your own goodness not from my desert for were it to be determined by that I must soon dispair
Yes my dear you love me did I not see the tenderest effections sparkle in your eyes this day when I entered the room, O my friend I was not so [indecipherable] as to feel no emotion; [indecipherable] my dear love was in my heart if it was not in my eyes how unwelcome was company just then I long to expressed my satisfaction + joy for your recovery by tears at least — how cruel was it to forbear taking your hand but indeed I [indecipherable] not altho I really thot I had a right to do that: yet be afraid it was not from a want of tenderness or real sympathy that I forbore where am I got + indeed what time in the night is it — Good night my friend I must believe you love (tho I know not for what) yours
May 27 Satterday
My dear I send you by Mr. Porter two Dollars + beg you to get the Brown tafety handkerchief my mother + you talked of, if you can find such an one. Likewise a black [indecipherable] for mother pretty good + large too — [indecipherable] I shall want some but am afraid my money will be wanting if you can get + spare me some I shall be glad + settle with you when you get home half a quarter. Now if ever learn to spell tafety you know I am a superiour speller.
Adieu EP